No, I haven’t become a parent, but I’ve just spent some time in the company of one and I feel it my duty to warn other parents of dark, low-down dangers lurking out there. It all happened while Mum, Baby, older Junior and I were touring the local shopping paradise. Mum bought a stash of much-needed nappies from a branch of a well-known pharmacy chain.
Set up for the day, we continued on our tour, pouring over all manner of goods; toys for older Junior, clothing, shoes, cosmetics and jewellery. In short, it was a girls’ day-out heaven. However, when we entered an upmarket department store, the security system alarm rung. Our party was definitely the transgressor. Later, when leaving the store, we artfully divided our shopping between Mum, older Junior and me, and all went through separate gates.
It was my first time ever to set bells ringing. A female security office appeared out of nowhere, offering her assistance. My carrier bag contained a pair of (paid for) sandals – and the plastic sack of nappies. The security check turned into a good-natured banter. What if, I said, there was a security tag attached to all the nappies, and Baby set off alarms wherever she went?
A laughing security woman left us. We hurriedly returned to the pharmacy where they deactivated (how that?) an electronic tag on the nappy bag. Of course, Baby gurgled nonchalantly throughout the entire incident, which has left me wondering: does the phrase secure nappy have a new meaning?