Shocks, Chocs and Academics...

From the earliest age, my favourite television advertisements have always been that series where this good-looking guy risks life and limb (scaling walls, jumping out of helicopters, and so on) to bring a box of chocolates to his elegant girlfriend. When he finally does so, a voiceover says all because the lady loves Milk Tray… And that is the core of my valedictory speech when I finally stand on stage at the Swedish Academy. A study by Franz Mezzerli of Columbia University has established a link between high intelligence and commensurate chocolate consumption…OMG! There was I, pouring late o’nights over books and manuscripts, scribbling copy copiously when all I had to do was wolf the walnut whirls and make light of the lime barrels. Gone are all those agonies of guilt I suffered over my passion for praline and cravings for c-covered caramels…ah, me! If only Mezzerli had released his results sooner, I might have gotten the Famous Phone Call before now. But it’s never too late. Forget the Omega-3 and watch out for my forthcoming brand of Academic Chocolates; Nobel nougats, egghead orange creams and nutty professors….